Blessed are the Forgetful
by Anyhoodle
Summary: Tony's trapped in his head while an outside source is wiping out memories of the Avengers, especially Steve. Forcing Tony to sift through his memories and try to protect the ones that matter most. Both good and bad. pre-Stony, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind AU. M for language to be safe
1. Chapter 1

**Tony's trapped in his head while an outside source is wiping out memories of the Avengers, especially Steve. Forcing Tony to sift through his memories and try to protect the ones that matter most. Both good and bad. pre-Stony, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't anything famous so don't sue me k thanks**

**Note: Who's actually doing the memory erasing I really don't know. You can make your own assumptions. I just needed to get this story out of my head before it killed me, longwinded but quite proud of it. First Avengers fic Enjoy! R&R! Not required but appreciated!  
**

* * *

"Tony?!" Pepper called into the quiet pent house, her voice echoing into the dark. "

"In here Pep." Tony's disembodied voice answered back sounding unnervingly monotone,

"Tony are you Ok? you sounded weird on the phone. Why are all the lights off?"

"JARVIS lights."

Pepper stopped when she saw him at the bar looking two steps away from nervous breakdown. On the bar next to his glass was an open shoebox. Tony was hunched over what looked like a sketchpad flipping through it intensely.

"Found this in the back of my closet. This was in it, thought maybe you could help me figure out where the hell it came from." Pepper took the sketch book up in her hands and paled a little. "And from that look I'm taking you know exactly who it belongs to."

Pepper sighed, she seemed tired and sad. "Must have missed that."

"What are these Pepper?" When she didn't answer right away Tony prodded further. "I'm not going to burst into flame if you tell me. Please. I've been walking around with a half empty head for the past month, please don't do this to me."

"Just, hang tight for a minute, I'm going to call Bruce."

"Banner? What for?"

"To see if it's finally ok to let you talk to Steve."

* * *

They're all entering the kitchen and they're angry at him for something. Being the distraction may have gotten him shot down into a wall but it worked didn't it?

Wait a minute. Tony could have sworn they were on a plane to Munich or somewhere. Huh. Must have fallen asleep on the plane or something.

Steve is pressing a cloth to the side of his head, dabbing at a gash above his left eyebrow. "Tough crowd."

"You really shouldn't just go charging into situations like that, Tony."

"I know I know you don't need any 'Liabilities'."

"Hey you used that word this time not me." Steve defended himself with a wry smile, then clapped his hand on Tony's shoulder gently, "But it was a good call, stupid, but effective."

"Oh well, I try." Tony batted his eyes sweetly. "I'll give you all a better show in the future." Taking the towel in his hand and wiping his face down. When he looks back, he's holding a cloth napkin in his hands. Steve's on the opposite side of a table casually looking down at a menu.

He's looking at him while Tony looks around wildly, frantically trying to remember how they'd gotten there. "You Ok?"

"We were just...the tower?"

"Ok?" He's confused. Tony looked down at his hands then reached up to touch his face, then running his hands through his hair, no cuts or bumps, not even a scratch, could use a haircut though. The napkin was clean and new.

Tony stared down at the napkin instantly for a few seconds and mumbled "That is weird."

"What's weird?"

"I was just. I'm not bleeding right?" Steve's eyes widen at the random question.

"No why would you be?" He leans forwards scanning Tony over assessing his sanity. "You aren't slipping bourbon into your coffee again are you? You know what we agreed

not in public."

"Steve..."

"Thought Pepper took your flask away."

"Ha." He rubbed his eyes. "No its like, I could have sworn we were in my kitchen, I was bleeding and...Cap?" He looks on chair across from him is empty. "Steve?"

* * *

Leaning against the couch everyone was crowded around the TV quiet and mesmerized, well most of them, Bruce was asleep and Natasha always has that look of "unimpressed cat" all the time.

He could had sworn he was holding a drink.

The movie on screen blurred together, no longer relevant. He turned and walked down the hallway, to the elevator. Once the elevator doors opened he wasn't in his lab exactly, oh he was in a lab but not his. "JARVIS?" He called out but no answer.

It was dark and more ominous than his own. To his left he saw someone strapped to a metal bed. With electrodes attached to their head and face. Blurred faceless white coats scurried around him. "The others are hooked up and ready to go, knock him out and start."

They're on the helicarrier the first time all together. None of them can agree on anything. Everyone's talking over each other angry and irritated. Rogers is a self righteous boy scout. Cant even explain Thor. This isn't going to work.

They have to deal with Thor's crazy brother, Clint's on the loose but there seems to be a voice talking over all of them. Its not exactly a PA system. But it is overhead. Another voice joins it then another. Gradually muffling out everyone else's squawking.

He wanders down a hallway following the sounds, trying to find its source. Looking to his left there's a large picture window, showing the sea of clouds the airboat is sailing on.

There's a roar, an explosion and the craft shakes hard.

* * *

Back to the tower, Steve's out on the terrace sketching, Tony watching him through the window, drink in hand. From his vantage point he can kind of see what steve is drawing, still mildly confused with the traveling glass of scotch.

Walking out onto the terrace peering over Steve's shoulder, startling him throwing his hands over his work. Steve never lets him look at his sketch book. "C'mon Cap what you hiding? I..."

Muffled voices from overhead interrupted him again, like a faulty PA system. Indistinct and garbled.

"JARVIS?"

"Yes sir?"

"You say something?"

"No Sir"

"Steve, did you hear that?" Steve looks up from his sketchpad confused.

"Hear what?"

In a blink the drink in Tony's hand is gone. And the sudden dread of something serious going on. "Someone's talking."

"No one's here Tony, just us. And well JARVIS, does he count?" He looks back into the glass door, peers inside and sees that the room is empty.

"Where'd they go?"

"Who?"

"Clint, Banner, Nat they're gone..." Tony can hear the voices again. And a loud crash. "Tell me you can hear that. Steve..." Looking back at the folding chair Steve was sitting in, or was supposed to be sitting in. Which was now empty, sketchpad left behind. "Steve?!"

Tony bent down and took up the sketch doodles of everyone at different perspectives graced the papers surface. Natasha's profile, Clint perched on a rooftop, Bruce looking serious glassed slid to the bridge of his nose. Thor with a big grin on his face.

And one unfinished sketch of Tony smiling he seemed to be working on it when Tony interrupted him. Tony stares at them seriously, then starts to notice the drawings beginning to fade. Page after page each page faded to white. What? Throwing the pad down back onto the chair like it was a snake he backed away.

"God." Pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. "What's going on?"

Running back into the penthouse into the elevator down to the lab he decided. "JARVIS!" There was no answer. "JARVIS!" he called again.

Still not in his own lab, he was now back into the lab from before he's closer to the man strapped to the table now but his face is completely erased like the others. Though he has no face he's seemed to be speaking.

"To save you from what you call 'monologuing', we thank, you and your other two friends who have gladly participated in our trial run Mr. Stark." Participate in what? He rubbed his eyes and for a brief second he clearly saw his own face on the half conscious man on the table. "It will all be over in a matter of hours, they will all seem like a series of blurred images. Just like a dream."

"But you have had your share in killing your brain cells so this will be nothing new for you." First he'd been watching now he was strapped to the table himself. Struggling fighting it off. Was this really happening? Were they really going to erase his memories? For what?!

If it was all true, no way had this been consensual, if tony wanted to ruin his brain cells he'd pick a bottle of scotch over this brain drain any day.

Over off to the side Natasha's unconscious self dragged over to another table on the other side of the lab, he couldn't see her face but he knew it was her. Steve's shield of red white and blue in his peripherals. He couldn't see where they'd taken him, just where they'd left the shield behind.

Tony locked on the shield to his right, focused on it. While a hand reached out twisted the arc in his chest and pulled hard.

* * *

Back at the tower again, movie night resuming as usual. Uncharacteristically dark. Behind him there was frost on the windows and he could feel the distinct feeling of the heater going. It was winter.

"JARVIS. What day is it?"

"December 15th sir."

"This isn't right."

"Pipe down stark were trying to watch the movie."

"Guys. Somethings going on."

"Just watch the movie." The tops of their heads remained still, shadowed by the dark silhouetted by the light of the screen.

"I'm serious!"

"What's he babbling about?"

"What is your deal? Stark?"

"Guys, I really am serious. Right now I think, I'm strapped to some kind of table and these guys are frying my brain. Wiping my memory out. I don't know why but its fucked."

"No one's erasing anyone Stark, we've been here all day, nothings happened, uneventful, nada." Clint drawls.

"No, I saw them. I think I did. If its real they're doing it now! And not just me! Nat, Steve! You're there too!"

They all turned to look at him. Tony shrank back in silent horror. faces blank and smooth. He shut his eyes squeezing them as tight as he could. Willing these faceless beings away.

* * *

"Tony you ok?" Steve called out genuinely concerned. When he opens his eyes again, reluctantly, hoping that everyone had their faces back he's staring back at Steve, in his suit shield in hand.

Tony's in the suit suit too, they all are, and walking in a group, heading into the hatch of a plane.

"Wait, where are we going?"

"Munich."

"No we can't..." They disappeared into the hold without listening to a word. "Wait!" Tony ran after them but where he expected to find them getting strapped into their seats he found nothing. The hold was empty, so was the cockpit.

Somethings weird about this one, it feels like a bunch of moments sewn together, because Tony's in a bunch of places all at one. First he's in a lab with Bruce staring intensely at some diagrams. Next he's yanking arrows out of the walls of his living room cursing Clint who's hanging from the ceiling. Thor and Steve are captivated with one of his old laptops, while he tries to teach them about how Youtube works.

"Ugghhh STOP!" He yells and everything around him freezes. Ohh so he is in control. for now at least. But the sudden seize of control made his head hurt.

From his deductions it seemed like, if this whole mind fucking was really happening it seemed like the targeted memories were of just the team. If that were true then he just wouldn't think about them then.

* * *

It's his birthday and he's spending the rest of the night by himself on the couch with a customary glass of scotch and his tablet. Tony had declined for a party that year, not feeling like dealing with a house full of people who knew his name but not the other way around.

Clint and Natasha are out on some kind of mission which he just suspects is some kind of vacation really. Pepper and Rhodey have already been around, brought him their presents a small cake and took him to dinner. Bruce is in Bosnia of all places, and lord knows where Thor is.

A parcel comes flying over the back of the couch and lands right next to Tony scaring the living hell out of him for a few seconds. Steve's head leaning over the back accompanies it grinning. "Geeze give a man a heart attack. Thought it was some kind of aerial attack or something."

Tony looks over the small item in question it looks to be a present. Steve comes around the side and sits next to him.

Its a kitted scarf, mostly red with little yellowish tassels hanging from the ends. The stitches are loose in some spots and a little uneven in some other spots. Obviously hand made. "You make this?"

"Yeah...first one I've finished that I actually liked, you don't have to wear it or anything just couldn't think of what to get you." Steve explains humbly his hands in his lap twiddling his thumbs.

Tony's captivated by the thing, he doesn't exactly know what to say. Steve, the Star Spangled Man himself, knitted him, Tony Stark a scarf for his birthday. God he was going to get diabetes just holding the thing. "No no, its great. When did you learn to knit?"

"Oh Darcy taught me to while she and Jane came to visit for the holidays she said it was supposed to be relaxing. At first it wasn't but after a while it really was." Tony suddenly couldn't get the image of a frustrated cap holding knitting needles while trying to figure out the right way to stitch. By imagination it was all almost too precious to handle.

Tony was know resting his head on the arm rest trying to contain himself it was too much.

"No no its just, no ones ever made me anything before its, I'm not programmed to process anything on this level. Gimmie a minute." He laughed slightly wringing the poor thing in his hands trying to calm down. The look on Steve's wasn't helping either.

"I remember I could tell you looked pretty proud of it actually. And I have to admit, it was probably the best present anyone had ever given me. What am I saying probably, it was. And I was actually really looking forward to wearing in the winter." Tony narrated out loud still staring down at it. It almost wasn't fair.

"Now I just don't know how I'm going to top this." Steve raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise then smiled again, bright and warm.

"Happy birthday Tony."

"...Wait..."

Snow is suddenly falling around them collecting into the couch and the sticking to their clothes and hair. The couch is now outside. Steve's not sitting beside him anymore and his in the suit.

He can see them all standing far out on a snowy hill slowly disappearing onto the horizon he tries walking towards them but the suits too heavy

Something knocks into him from behind, or he slips he can't remember but now he's face down on the ice. Can't move but he can hear the ice cracking beneath him.

"Tony!"

Someone's yelling at him but he doesn't move.

* * *

Tony jerks back to attention. "You wake up before us for once?"

"Nope." He's in the kitchen in the tower, sitting at the kitchen island, face down on the cold granite. His tablet and what he thinks is his sixth cup of coffee sitting close by. Everyone's there and they're all staring at him like he'd just popped his own eyes out and put them back in for kicks. "Can't wake up if you never went to sleep!"

"What?!"

"You've been up since we got back?"

"Yup."

"Well, I had this idea for and upgrade for the suit, and once I got an idea gotta run with it or it'll tear me apart. Shuttle trapped on the launch pad."

Truth was he couldn't sleep, no matter what he did. After having half a building land on him and digging himself out of the rubble before he was crushed to death he was too keyed up to sleep.

"Jesus Stark, how are you alive?"

"By the sheer by the collective will of the cosmos and coffee!" He announced proudly before slamming his forehead onto the tables surface. "Ow."

"Come on." A gentle hand placed itself onto one of his shoulders while the other hand lifted one of his arms up and around a pair of broad shoulders. "Lets go. Bed for you."

"But I don't wannaaa."

"I will pick you up and carry you to bed, so help me."

"Do it I dare you, Cap...HEEYYY." And Steve had been true to his word, flipping Tony over his right shoulder and carrying him off to his room. Kicking and screaming like an angry five year old. "DAMMIT STEVE! Unhand me, at once fiend!" He yelled into Steve's back, who just gave a hearty laugh.

"Tony, you need to sleep. We don't need you passing out in random places anymore, as entertaining as that is. Do you really need Clint taking anymore candid photos of you sleeping in weird places?" He shifted Tony's weight but kept walking despite his struggling. "And stop kicking what are you five?"

"Put me down or else!"

"oo or what?"

"I'll upgrade your phone again!"

"You wouldn't!"

"Try me, now put me down! Oof." Tony was suddenly flipped back over landing on his back into his bed. Steve hovering over him playfully, pinning him down to the mattress by his wrists.

"There I put you down, now don't touch my telephone." He stayed like that for a second then pulled away, turned and walked out of the room. Tony bolted upright and called after him.

* * *

Ok so if they were really erasing his its seemed like they were honing in on memories where he was with the team. So he just wouldn't think about any of them. So he focuses on the first thing he can think of.

Next he's face down on the pavement the coppery taste of blood mixing with the perpetual metallic/coconutish taste already in his mouth. A sharp pain in his side, something sharp digging into his ribs. Warm blood pooling inside of the suit.

Not this...

Strong hands are ripping the suit apart with incredible force trying to free him from it before he bleeds to death. He can hear the bits of the armor being torn away and chucked onto the ground. Rolling him onto his back the faceplate disappears so now he's staring up into a grey sky. Voices calling out to him asking if they can hear him shaking him gently trying to keep him conscious.

Blinking up in blurred faces. Turning his head to look to his left he notices he's laying on grass now. Running his fingers through it for a moment he sits up, completely find now. And also alone. Rolling to his knees the grass is damn beneath him.

Now he's standing in front of two caskets. The air cold and damp. Mom, Dad. "Well this sucks." Tony states allowed to no one. But someone answers back.

"Yep, you said it." Steve was standing next to him now. In his dress uniform out of some sort of respect. Tony glanced back and the caskets were now two worn headstones. "It's still unreal that he's gone. It was literally days ago for me that I had just seen him, younger than you."

Steve hooked his arm into his own and pulled him close, stopping the cold wind from blowing between them, "I miss him too." Steve's lips were at his ear his voice low and comforting. Fingers intertwined with his. No he's not supposed to be here, dammit Steve. His grip on Steve's arm tightens.

"Steve don't leave."

"Leave?"

"Please stay please." Tony pleads quickly desperation creeping into his voice.

Tony was left standing alone clutching onto nothing.

* * *

Tony's back at his Malibu mansion in his robe, drink in hand. Coulson's in the next room talking on his phone to someone, Fury most likely.

"Jeeze do I really always have a drink with me?" He asked himself setting the drink down on the side table.

Ok so that hadn't worked. We'll it started to but everything always linked back to them.

Think think think. He stopped himself before automatically consulting JARVIS. Nothing about JARVIS, NOTHING about JARVIS. Keep all that information safe, he could deal with re-meeting everyone but JARVIS was irreplaceable knowledge. Think of something simple. Something not involving SHEILD or the team.

But the last things hadn't been about the team. Or Steve, but Steve showed up anyways why did he keep showing up even in memories he didn't belong in?

Steve's shield was the last thing he'd remember seeing. In a wink the shield was leaning against the bar. Shiny and pristine just like Steve. Walking over to it reaching down for it. "Don't think so hard Tony, you know why. I'm always on your mind aren't I?" Steve's voice said with his familiar 'oh you' tone.

Whipping his head to look behind him Coulson was standing there sunglasses off looking half impressed half surprised. "Do you know what that is?"

"Of course I do..." Looking back it wasn't Steve's shield anymore, but some unfinished looking prototype with half its guts showing. "Ugh this is seriously fucked."

"You're telling me." Coulson quipped, a red spot on his chest beginning to soak through his white shirt. Tony cringed back as Coulson walked towards him, the closer he got the bigger the red spot grew. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small stack of red stained cards. Handing them out to Tony casually as if there were nothing wrong. "Next time you see him could you give these to him? I'm a bit tied up at the moment."

Tony reluctantly reached for the red slick cards, looking down at the vintage cards that weren't so mint anymore. "Alright." His voice sounding small.

"Ask him to sign them to Phil. Thanks Stark."

Tony shut his eyes tight again. He hadn't wanted to remember that. Something else, something else quick.

* * *

He's looking at Happy now, both in sweat suits equipped with boxing gloves. He can still taste that nasty smoothie thing he'd made to offset the poisoning effects of the reactor, which he hadn't told anyone about.

Ok, this wasn't so bad. He could work with this memory for now.

"Natalie from legal is here."

"Hell..."

They both looked towards the door and there was Natasha, the first time he'd seen her. No no no no. He couldn't think of Natasha either. He had to do something, anything change the memory quick.

He thought about blurting out "I'm dying!" just to muddle the water a bit but now he was sitting aside next to pepper watching Natasha kick Happy's ass. Tony still extremely impressed and Pepper extremely startled by it.

Pepper. Tony reached out and grabbed hold of her arm holding her back. She looked back at him her forehead wrinkled in concern. He hated when she was worried or sad. She was always so good to him. "Tony?"

"I'm sorry Pep..."

Looking back at the ring Happy was standing by himself, looking over at the other two leaning over the ropes to get a look at what was going on. Nat was gone. Shit. He could deal with that memory gone but none others.

Think harder...But that gave him an idea. If thinking other memories didn't work what if he hid in something deliberately forgotten. Unpleasant even. Something buried something repressed and obscure. Where it would take them time to find him again under the layers of repression.

"Alright Tony, now hit me."

"Wait what?"

They were in the ring again. Only now he was staring down Steve. Clint sitting with Bruce off to the side hooting and heckling.

"You need to learn to defend yourself without the suit."

"No, wait. Guys we cant." Tony struggled with finding the right words to sound convincing. Dammit "We don't have time for this."

This was the time that Steve had been convinced that Tony was in danger for relying on his suit so much. Sparing match seemed like it was a good idea, it hadn't really ended well on his end. "Steve, please listen to me. You can't be here! Or I can't"

Tony jumped out of the ring and rounded towards the door against Clint's booing and pieces of popcorn he was chucking at him. Steve called after him but Tony tried to switch his mind to something else.

Despite getting his ass handed to him gift wrapped in front of Clint and Bruce, this was a good memory and he'd prefer to keep it. This wasn't unpleasant enough to hide in. He had to dig deeper.

* * *

Peppers yelling at him about something. Work related maybe? No she's not in one of her business outfits.

They're argument is serious. It was hazy and incoherent. He couldn't make out what Pepper was saying exactly or remember what he had said back. Probably because he had repressed it. What were they arguing about though. Maybe this was a little too obscure, but then again did it matter?

She turned to leave, Tony stretched out a hand and tried to call out to her but the door had closed and she was already gone.

Now he's in Malibu again, its his birthday. The night he'd decided it was a good idea to wear the suit, and had gotten drunk in it. Rhodey is in the War Machine. He's saying something but he's not listening. He's having a good time despite the slowly being poisoned thing. And now they're about to shoot each other. Before the blasts collide he's pushed back into the wall.

Suddenly he's face down in sand. It's hot and he's tired. Hurt, sore and thirsty. Chunks of the very first suit made in captivity scattered around him.

Rhodey is bounding through the sand towards him, now in uniform. Wrapping his arms around him so incredibly glad to see him alive. "Rhodey...RHODEY WAIT."

There's a sudden pain in his chest, and now he's laying back into the couch. Obidah's faceless head is hovering over him, chattering something garbled and indistinct. Literally tearing his heart out. Tony can feel his heart sputter and sharp pains radiate through his chest and arms.

Everything fades out. And for a few moments he opens his eyes. He's on his back and he cant move. Faces appear over him blurry a light casting halos around his head. They're mumbling to each other. "His eyes are open?"

"Is he awake?"

"Exhibiting symptoms of heart palpitations."

"He's fine"

"But he's awake."

"He is fine. I'll take care of this."

"What if he dies? Then all this research and data gone."

"Don't worry about that. Go check on the others then."

"I didn't think it would be this tough to erase a hand full of people. The other subjects never took this long. But they are really making it a pain.

"Especially Stark, he's gone off the grid so many times, be sure to keep a close eye on him. Keep him on track, so he doesn't end up too damaged."

"They'll find you...stop you..." Tony thinks feebly when there's a pinch in his arm and the blurry haloed beings fade to black again.

* * *

Staring up at everyone Steve staring down at him eyes wide in fear. Now smiling in relief that Tony is in fact not dead. He'd saved New York, taking the nuke up into wherever space.

He blinked and suddenly one less avenger was standing above him. Thor was no longer to his left. Another blink and so was Bruce. "No." Tony closed his eyes. No I want to keep this one please, take any other just not this one. It was a simple moment really despite almost having died in space then on the ground, the sight of Steve smiling down at him genuinely glad that he was alive meant more than any of the other memories combined.

"Tony?"

He opened his eyes again and only Steve remained. His hand on his chest neat the arc. He looked sad now. Tony didn't like it when Steve looked sad. It was unnatural. Slowly he fade out of view and Tony reaches forwards but he's thin air before contact is made. Tony rolls over onto his front quickly and gets to his feet, the suit suddenly light, flexible and cooperative.

"Wait...WAIT!" Tony yells up at nothing.

Another abrupt jump and he's in Pepper's office. Pepper is staring at him angrily from across the desk. For some reason there's a box of strawberries on his lap. That weird flippy desk thingy is extremely distracting.

"I'm dying..." He says out loud, well it comes out more of a whisper.

"What?"

"I was dying here...the source was toxic...but..." He explained basically thinking out loud. The box of strawberries on his lap were gone. "Shit."

"What are you talking about?" He stood up and moved towards the door then stopped. "Tony are you even listening?!" Tony spun back around to look at her, the chair he'd been sitting in was gone, so was that weird spinny desk thing.

"Shiiiit. Pep we have to go now." Without actually considering why he grabbed Pepper by the wrist, pulling her out of her chair and out the door. The room behind them fading out of existence and they passed through the door.

Dragging Pepper down the hallways, the pictures on the walls began to fade while walls started to close in and crumble around them. "Go? Go where? Where are we going?" Pepper called from behind.

"Pepper I need your help. Someone's erasing my memories, they've got Nat and Steve too. I'm trying to stall them until someone finds us but I'm running out of ideas."

"What? Are you drunk."

"Lord I wish I were."

"Ok ok. Who's erasing your memories?" She asked tiredly as they rounded another corner.

"I don't know. I don't remember. One minute we we're in the plane headed to Germany, next I'm quantum leaping through memories."

Now in some random hallway Tony frantically looked for some other way to go, trying to let pepper keep up with him. She may just be a figment of his psyche but he's glad as hell that she was there.

"I've tried not thinking about it, thinking about something different, bad things. But he always shows up, even if I'm thinking things that didn't involve him. It's no use. And weird thing is he always shows up. even if he wasn't there."

Dream Pepper seems to understand his babble completely despite the lack of detail or clarity. "Well what if you grab him and hide him in a different memory? seems to be working with me.

"Could try that, you're a genius remind me to give you a raise when I wake up. This way. we'll grab him in the next memory. "

Tony was now running through a dark tunnel. The smell of grease and gunpowder. Past heaps of metal and wires cracked monitors and crates with weapons. He could almost hear Yinsen's voice again.

"Ugh no not this, anywhere else. Next." He continued still toting Pepper behind him focusing on the feel of her hand in his. Out of the darkness into the night.

Standing out in the forest, looks like he's back in Germany. The first time he met Thor, retrieving Loki. He shouldn't have tried to fight the god of thunder but he'd taken his rightfully obtained prisoner. He couldn't have that. He could still hear the ringing in his ears from the impact of Thor's hammer on Cap's shield.

Cap's shield. Steve!

"Are we done?" Steve asked in his best authoritative voice. Tony looked around staring at Thor unable to look away. "What's wrong?"

Flipping up the HUD he wanted to urge Thor to get out of here but that would that even help? Steve's voice brought his attention back to him. "Stark! do you know who that is?"

They both looked back and Thor was no longer standing there. Just his hammer left behind on the ground where he once stood, its handle sticking up. "Where'd he go?" Tony realized he wasn't in his suit anymore, neither was Steve.

"STEVE! SHIT WE GOTTA GO COME ON!" Tony yelled getting behind him and pushing him forwards instead of trying to tug Steve's large form along with him. The leaves on the trees around them drying up raining around them in a dry crinkly snow.

"Pep! Pepper! I got him lets go!" Mild panic seized him when he couldn't locate Pepper in the chaos of the disintegrating forest. He swore again and just seized Steve's arm and moved forwards. "Shit I lost Pepper!"

"What's going on?"

"I'll brief you on the way! We have to find Pepper again first."

They ran the scenery zipping past them random images bled together. Tony stopped to think Steve nearly crashing into him from behind. 'Think Tony...' He turned to Steve. "How do you feel about Monaco?"

"Monaco?"

Tony opened the door and it led to the inside of a casino, crowded full of well dressed people. Each were in formal wear weaving their way through the sea of regality.

"Ok. OK good this is good. For now." He surveyed Steve, "You know I rarely see you in a monkey suit, looking spiffy." Steve looked away turning slightly red, Tony couldn't tell if he was pleased with the compliment or just uncomfortable.

"Can you tell me why were running?"

"Someone is wiping our memories."

"Huh?"

"Not just mine but yours too. I tried to save some of the others but didn't work now they're gone and you're here so I'm gonna try to save you." Tony rambled while pulling Steve into a doorway. "I mean Ima try."

"They're erasing my memory too? Who is? Why?"

"Again I don't know. But my theory is if I keep you close maybe you'll stick around longer. And if you're lucky you can see me crash a race car." They waited, finally he spotted Pepper near the Bar talking to Hammer. "Wait never mind, stay close."

"There you are..."

"No time, we gotta go, thank you for your whatever, seeya." Tony took hold of Pepper's hand this time while reaching behind him for Steve's leading them both towards the exit. "I need another idea."

"Ok um...repressed memory? From when you were younger?"

That could work.

* * *

Tony's standing outside and its cold, really cold. Because he isn't wearing any pants, or anything else for that matter. It's dark and there were another group of people behind him egging him on.

Oh. Streaking, ok. He remembered this. Oh lord he remembered this.

"Why am I not surprised?" Pepper's face unmoved.

"I kinda am, I admit it." Steve raises his hand and even in his thoughts is avoiding eye contact with a blush.

"Then don't look then, I'm working off trial and error here."

"The streaking or the sifting through memories thing?"

"I've walked in on him doing worse."

"Really? Like what?"

"Ugh you two! Fine fine moving on!" Tony said before the memory went on any further and he was caught by the campus police. They would get along, hopefully he'll try to remind himself later to keep them from getting too chummy.

There was an explosion and he was thrown hard sideways. Tony tried to get up but intense sharp pains in his chest kept him immobile. Tearing open his shirt he saw spots beginning to stain as his wounds began to bleed through. Wow even in his dreams or whatever this was it still hurt. "Ugh that'll work."

Steve came bounding from behind the rock Pepper conspicuously absent. Steve looking over his chest wounds frantically.

"This is what happened?"

"By my own products, first class huh?" Tony coughed on the last bits, spraying the side of Steve's face with dark droplets. Steve threw himself over him to shield him from another blast. "Wish you had been there Cap, you look good in fatigues." Steve shook off the compliment and hooked his arms underneath him, pulling him to his feet and dragging him forwards. "Now I can see why you're a captain."

"Stuff it Stark, at least until we find better cover."

"Well I can see why you weren't a medic, your bedside manner is terrible."

"How are you even alive?" Steve mumbled pulling Tony behind another, bigger rock. "How are any of us still alive?" His arms still tight around him, Tony held fast too. Even if this memory wasn't real it was still a nice feeling to be protected this way.

"Gonna admit it Cap, kinda falling for you here."

"I think you're just in shock."

"Probably. Just don't leave this time kay?" Tony waited for a quip but got nothing. Steve was gone again. Another blast went off and Tony did his best to crawl under a rock for safety. Maybe he could even stay there, forever.

* * *

Back in the tower, it was 4th of July also conveniently Steve's birthday, everyone was out on the terrace watching a fireworks display while Tony had retreated back inside, and was looking for something. Nearly tearing his own building apart looking for whatever it was.

"Cant find it...PEPPER!" Tony yelled his head inside one of his smaller closets now, dark and now messy the light from the arc reactor lighting up his way even semi muted by his t-shirt. "Pep.." Pepper appeared behind him abruptly hands on her hips. "Couldn't find it..." he said turning away, he was now sitting inside under the canopy of suits and ties. "But what was I looking for?'

"You were looking for Steve's present, even after I told you three separate time's I'd left it on your night stand." Tony looks up towards his bedside table and there was the small red box conspicuously sitting there.

"Right." Tony got up from his knees and slowly paced towards it. He stared down at it for a long moment before reaching for it. "I had Steve's watch fixed after it crapped out." He recalled looking down at the gift box he knew that had contained the wristwatch older than him. "I'd offered to buy him a new one, a better one. Even offered to build him one but I realized it wasn't the actual watch that was important. So I sent it to the best people I knew, even had it restored."

"Did you give it to him?"

"No."

* * *

The box was bigger now, or maybe Tony was just little. Nope he's little. Really little. His tiny hands are holding onto a big box wrapped in red paper. Surrounded by a mountain of other gifts. He isn't excited about the present like most five year olds should be on Christmas. He's disappointed Dad isn't there. Mom's sad about it too he can tell but she wont say anything. "Dad was always good at fixing problems, just throw money at it." The glistening of the tree dulled, the colors of the packages did too.

He was now sitting on the floor of his workshop Dummy whirring off to his side looking as if it were peering down at him with some kind of sympathy. The package in his hands replaced with yet another glass of scotch. It's another warm Christmas in Malibu and he's alone.

Tony gets up, pushes through the lab doors and trots up the stairs. And walks straight into a press junket. Camera flashes going off, the people behind them each faceless.

He walks down the isle between both sets of chairs and pushes through another set of doors leading to a courtroom. Rhodey is at the stand Hammer is jabbering away about national security risks.

He keeps walking out onto the bridge of the SHEILD helicarrier. Past all the agents staring at large monitors, past Agent Hill standing front and center supervising. He's partly tempted to go see if Loki was still in the holding cell but ended up walking into the entrance of the cafe down the street, while he, Steve and Clint sat at a corner table waiting for their orders.

Things feel like they're starting to run together now. And Tony felt like it was useless to fight this anymore. Each time he tried to hide somewhere to throw the procedure off, it just felt like his brain would be seized and forced back on some kind of set track.

He felt slower now, dragging the both of them around while trying to think up different places for them to hide was tiring him out. Maybe it was emotional exhaustion he didn't really know but whatever.

"Just keep walking." He tells himself as he rounds another corner.

* * *

He's back in his lab, fuming for some reason. Repairing the suit for the billionth time, sometimes he wishes that he could go out on a mission without having to build another.

"Tony."

"What." He sighed putting his soldering gun down and turned slightly, he was holding two mugs of what he assumed was coffee. He wasn't in the mood for his puppy face, Tony turned back to his project. "Leave it on the table I don't like being handed things."

"Can you be serious for five seconds."

"Ok." Tony spun around in his chair, looked at him seriously, put his fingers to his chin feigning deep thought then pushed his goggles back down and spun back around. "How was that?"

"Cute that's cute."

"I am to please. Now run along Spangles I'm sure there are some kittens in trees that need saving." Steve gave a loud exacerbated sigh but didn't leave.

"How long do you plan staying down here?"

"Hmm I don't know am I still a 'liability'?"

"Don't start."

"I'll take that as a yes then and you can take my back, to you, as a 'I'll come out when I damned well feel like it."

This was during the first few weeks when they all moved in. Still getting used to each other he and the great Captain didn't exactly get along so swimmingly yet. Tony just felt like Steve was this uptight boy scout. Coming in to command this secret squad he didn't even want to be a part of.

"You've been down here since we got back."

"And."

"Were just worried is all. You took that shot pretty hard."

"Its fine. I don't need you to worry about me. I'm fine. Everyone's fired from worrying about me, even Pepper. JARVIS make a note of this."

"Look I'm sorry I called you a liability alright. But we need to work as a team if we want a dynamic. If you keep going off doing whatever you want you're going to end up getting yourself killed."

"Are you done?"

"Yeah I'm done." Tony raised his hand and waved his fingers in a shooing gesture without looking up.

"Why do you always do that?" Steve disembodied voice asked forlornly.

"Do what?"

"Push people away who are just trying to help you? Accepting help isnt a form of weakness you know."

"Shut up Steve." Tony mumbled meekly trying to focus on whatever he was doing, which was now shrouded in darkness.

"You're just some spoiled brat you know that?" Steve yelled back forceful and serious.

"I'd say something about being older than you but that argument doesn't apply here now that I think about it." Tony was still looking down at his hands which now held yet another drink, only this time the glass was basically empty just ice remained.

"You drink away what you can't throw money at. Isn't that right?"

"You just shut your your face Captain Tightwad!" Smooth that one was a keeper had to remember to write it down. He slammed his glass down onto the floor, crystal shattering onto the floor mixing with spilt ice. "Just shut it and get out!"

Steve had placed a hand on one of his shoulders and he spun around, none too gracefully pushing him forwards, in attempts to throw a punch most likely. Steve retaliated quickly grabbing a fist full of Tony's shirt.

"I'm just trying to help you!" Steve yelled giving him a small shake. "Look at yourself!"

"I don't NEED your help. I never asked for it and I sure as hell don't want it." Tony stopped and looked back at Steve's angry face, the residual rage fading as he assessed the memory. "I remember this, you caught me sauced out of my mind, and told me I had a problem. I didn't take it too well." He told Steve who was still gripping his shirt, their faces inches away from each other. "The only time you ever seriously man handled me too."

"Because you tried to hit me."

"I did..."

"This was the only time you ever tried to hit me." Steve said, his voice sad his forehead wrinkled at the unpleasant truth. "But you didn't."

"Yep...Then I threw up on you."

"You sure did." Steve's hold loosened as if trying to avoid that part of the memory and Tony stepped back rubbing the wrinkles out of his shirt.

"Sorry about that by the way."

"It's alright, it was predominately scotch anyways." Steve tittered, stepping over the broken glass and sitting down on the couch. Scrubbing his hands over his face he sighed. "What was it that made you hate me for those first few weeks?"

"Hate you? I didn't hate you. You were my hero as a kid. I was jazzed to finally meet you! It was you who ruined it."

"What how'd I do that?" Steve practically squeaked, his face crumbling with hurt.

"The first time we met, when we were all together I mean."

"The way you looked at me, like you were so disappointed, angry even. Like you were expecting someone else but got me instead. I wanted us to get along I tried. You just couldn't take a joke you know. Then everything you did was just irritating after that. I was just disappointed in both of us."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"I know. I know that now."

"No matter, I wont remember it anyways, you probably wont either. I wouldn't worry about it." After he said that a heavy sorrow set in like a weight on a string tied to his stomach pulling it down. Inevitability. Tony just couldn't stand the idea of someone he truly cared about possibly not remembering who he was and vice versa. It wouldn't bother either of them once they woke up but that was the disturbing part.

"I cant do this anymore." He shut his eyes. "I'm sorry Steve, I tried." Gently covering Steve's hand with his, taking a deep breath

"Yeah I know." Pulling his hand back. Tony slowly sat up. "You'd control time if you could." Damn right he would.

"It's just I don't want to give up."

Steve shrugged "Then don't think of it as giving up then, more of a giving in."

"There's a difference?"

"Giving up is letting them win, giving in is sort of accepting it I guess." Tony's hand snaking its way onto Steve's as they stare up at the sky.

"You aren't allowed to be wise anymore."

They were now sitting on the terrace again watching the sun go down. A cupcake with blue frosting with one lone red and white candle. Steve sitting next to him while the others sat around them watching as the fireworks started, captivated, faceless and quiet.

"Happy Birthday Cap." Steve smiled down at the cupcake, taking it up in his hand. "Make a wish."

Steve cocked his head to the side in thought then gently blew the candle out.

Tony suddenly pulled back and scooted away. Leaving Steve a little in shock.

Tony got up and walked over to the railing peering down at the city below. "I'm sorry I ruined that too." He apologized to steve who was still sitting in his spot eyes wide blinking wildly. That moment had crept up on him too and scared the hell out of him.

"You were going to kiss me weren't you?" Steve called from behind him. Tony pressed his forehead against the railing but refused to close his eyes in fear this could all abruptly go too. "Why'd you stop?"

"I duno, I freaked out."

"Why?"

"I don't know, all this came out of nowhere. I started out hating you, and accepted that we wouldn't get along. Then you with your stupid smile and your stupid scarf, and your inability to work a simple appliance, you crept up on me. What can I say I hate surprises."

"What? You love surprises."

"If I'm behind them yeah. I don't like being surprised. It's a peeve."

"Like being handed things?"

"Like being handed things." He repeated. Tony looked down at his feet, then back at Steve. They were alone on the terrace now. The fireworks were gone and so were the stars in the sky.

"But what if you hadn't this time? Stopped I mean?"

"But I did. There isn't any more. I got up and went inside. Apparently to get your present. Which is true. I did or do have one. I just kept forgetting where Pepper told me she put it."

"But that's not what I asked. I asked what if we did now?"

"What if we just make up a new memory?" Steve asked, now standing next to him. The floor beneath their feet began to crack and crumble away. Leaving only that slab to stand on just the two of them. The world fading into a haze of blurred colors and shapes.

Couldn't hurt.

Tony placed his hands on both sides of Steve's face leaned in gingerly and pressed his lips against his, a sweet chaste kiss. The kind that Steve deserved in the first place. It lasted a couple seconds then Tony pulled away resting his head against Steve's chest sadly.

There's a weird feeling that comes over him just then. Starting out like his mind had been put on pause and some other kind of force was trying to push it forwards again. Something changed. A sharp stab shot through the center of his head behind his eyes. "Ahh fuck. I think this is it."

"Ok, so when we wake up. WHEN, when we wake up. We'll all start over again alright?" Steve says quickly, his hands gripped Tony's upper arms tight anchoring him down. "Because if all of these feelings were real, if all of this was true and if I felt them too then it wouldn't matter if we forgot this. Ok?" Steve took hold of Tony's face redirecting his focus onto him. "Ok?"

"Ok." Tony hisses through the pain stabbing his brain. Steve pulls him close wrapping his large arms around him tight. Tony buries his face into Steve's shoulder and whispers, "Goodbye Steve."

Tony relaxes and finally lets go.

All the control he'd kept throughout this entire thing images fast forward, rewind, blend together then break apart. Every laugh, every argument every celebration. Lunches, galas, Sunday brunch, movie nights at the tower. Everyone's very presence deletes, including Steve.

Tony teaching both Steve and Thor how to work a cell phone. Tony teasing Steve about his sketches. Steve cooking in the kitchen while he tries to goad him into wearing a pink apron. Clint's many escapades hiding in the vents and dropping out of nowhere. Natasha keeping them all in line then monopolizing the TV.

Missions both successful and the odd lost fight. Cuts, scrapes, breaks, concussions. Arguments. Both Fury and Pepper yelling at him, Everything. As they rush by Tony silently says goodbye to them, hoping that what Steve said about rebuilding them was true. Hoping that not everything

Everything seemed to slow just as quickly as it had sped up. A loud been and the feeling of being yanked upwards.

* * *

"Tony?" A voice is coaxing him awake. It Pepper, she sounds worried. There's a dull pounding in his head, like a mix of a concussion and a hangover. "He's awake."

"How are you feeling?"

It doesn't really occur to him how to respond..

All he could manage to answer back was. "What?" Tony was never at top speed after just being woken up. His brain is moving super slow but is picking up speed gradually. He recognizes the doctor taking his vitals, his voice is familiar. Parts of his face are along with the glasses he wore but for now he was drawing a blank.

He continued doing a variety of tests, shining lights in his eyes asking him to open and close his fists and to blink on command. Tony was a little too slow for his taste but he complies. Pepper seems like she's been awake for a year straight, what had happened? He'd ask as soon as his mouth hooked back up to his brain.

"Natasha and steve are doing better now so I'm sure he'll be fine too. Then we'll assess the damage from there."

"Tony did you hear that? Natasha and Steve are going to be fine too." Natasha and Steve. That sounded familiar too, at least a Natasha did.

But who was she talking about, who was Steve?


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note: Oh hey look an update. I just wanted to throw this out there before we press on, I've decided to break up the epilogue into pieces, to push the story along but not too many though. So expect at least mmm two more chapters to follow this, maybe three. Since its taking me longer than I'd like and there's so much exposition that I need to wade through without weighing you down or boring you to tears. Still don't know who did the erasing and just kind of making the rest up as I go along. Thanks for reading! Loves.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, don't sue me.**

* * *

Tony's brain still felt like scrambled eggs.

Sitting on the floor of his living room back in his penthouse after forgetting why he came into the room in the first place. Trying to decide what to do next.

After going in and out of the living room for the fourth time, Tony finally gave up stopping in the center of the room and just simply sitting down on the floor. He didn't mean to feel sorry for himself, at least out in the open. Usually he would take his pity parties in solitude, either hiding away in his lab or room, or waiting until no one was around.

But right now he didn't really mind if someone happened to see him, even though he was alone today. Maybe he'd go out tonight, that could be good. But it was cold outside, and Tony hated the cold, that much he knew. But he also knew he was bored out of his fried little mind.

Part of him wanted to be left alone but another part of him wished someone would come up and bother him. Almost half expecting it actually. Someone to walk up to him and shake him out of his funk. Maybe thats what this feeling was today, missing someone.

"Maybe I should get a dog." He thought out loud to himself. he thought about pulling up some diagrams again just to skim over. He rejected the idea of pouring himself a drink since his brain was already fried enough for the time being.

"Sir, may I suggest, if you are considering a pet, to start with a fish. So that it's eventual premature demise isn't as upsetting."

"Hey I resemble that remark!" But JARVIS was right he'd probably forget to feed the poor thing or Barton or Thor would knock it over. Besides he hated animals and Pepper would most likely end up taking car of it.

"Maybe a house plant."

"Were you always this harsh to me? When I give you nothing but love?" Tony retorted into the ether with mock hurt.

"Forgive me Sir, I'm sure a fish would be more your speed." JARVIS apologized with but the sarcasm in his voice amused him to no end. Tony was glad that memories of JARVIS hadn't been effected it would be a crime against humanity.

Once he'd come back to the tower he was warmly welcomed by his alleged friends and fellow Avengers. Banner stuck close, but not too close, and for a guy who could lose his cool and turn into a big green rage monster, he was pretty chill. Which Tony thought was extremely impressive.

Barton seemed glad to see him up and about. Almost as much as that Thor guy had been and that was saying a lot. He remembered Barton and Thor to a small degree. And all three were surprisingly helpful while they were around. They did live there with him after all.

Each one took turns covertly hovering behind him, except for Thor because well he's Thor, while he reacquainted himself with his own house. Which didn't take much effort, bits he remembered but sometimes he would round a corner forgetting where he was going. Or he would go into a room expecting to find something that wasn't there, even if he didn't know what that was by the time he got there.

He still had that weird disconnected feeling, that he had during the first couple days after he'd woken up in the SHIELD medic bay, which were a blur. His motor functions had been shot for the first couple days, he spoke slowly sometimes an odd stutter on some words, but that slowly got better after a matter of hours.

Tony's brain eventually found the right connections to his limbs and mouth. Though he still had trouble with dialing numbers on a key pad, or doing anything intricate with his fingers like tying something or doing up buttons. His fingers ending up fumbling over each other and moving too slowly for his taste.

Now it was just blank spots in his mind that were the problem. Tony's entire memory bank had holes burned into it, creating a timeline with major gaps. Where he remembered some present things, other past things didn't make sense. He remembered being held up in that cave building the reactor and suit. But how he had escaped was a blank.

Obviously he was Tony Stark, and he knew he was Ironman but didn't know that so did the rest of the world. And apparently, according to Pepper and a confirmation from JARVIS, there was video of that coming out and was promised to be shown once he got released. He had a hankering to see it sounds like something he would do.

Once he got back Tony tried to keep himself busy brushing up on things he'd missed, by getting JARVIS bringing up and sifting through files and schematics. Of the suits, and the reactor, goings on from the company. Googling himself and most of the shenanigans that had come up he knew about to his relief.

Tony didn't really keep many pictures around but did have archives JARVIS had been keeping the past year. Things like, how Thor's crazy brother tried to take over the world, ok remembered parts of that. A year and a half had passed since then, ok he didn't know that. Coulson wasn't around because he was dead. At least for about five minutes then SURPRISE no he wasn't.

Thor would go into great dramatic story sessions recollecting each battle they had fought in. Emphasizing each action with phrases like "with a mighty bellow" and "with courage and might" that he made it sound like he was telling him a big ancient epic than something he had actually done. Especially with the names he called them. Tony had to admit he did like being referred to as 'The Man of Iron'. And liked how JARVIS was 'etherial voice'.

As for Barton too would add to Thor's stories his own annotations and side stories, emphasizing how stupid some of the stuff they had to deal with but ended up kicking ass in the end.

In a weird deja vu kind of way he did feel like he remembered them. At least the residual feelings and phantom pains from described injuries and arguments that had happened. Waves of familiarity would come and go when he was confronted with certain things, thats what bothered him the most. Remembering or recognizing something for a brief millisecond then having it go. And his sense of time was all wonky too.

Sleeping was no help, and when he did managed to fall asleep he'd have the same weird dream of wandering through the tower or his house back in California looking for something he couldn't find but didn't know the name of. Keeping to himself most of the time after, his little predicament was kept out of the media and covered up as a head injury, just as his stint in Afghanistan had been covered as PTSD recovery , which was surprisingly fine with him.

Tony was over thinking everything and his poor brain couldn't keep up for once. He decided he needed to get out, even if it meant sucking it up and going out in the cold.

* * *

Ok changed, check. Coat, acquired. Now all he needed was a scarf and a pair of gloves and he was set to go. If only he could find them.

"JARVIS wheres my winter crap. I can skip the scarf but its freezing balls outside and I need gloves." Tony called out tearing through his drawers and main closet for his winter garb, he knew contained his gloves and other winter accessories he'd packed away for the summer.

"The the closet top shelf sir."

Following JARIVS's advice, he found himself on his toes reaching over the shelf in his closet looking said winter accessories. Seconds before Tony was about to give up when his hand came across a shoebox tucked away in the left corner of the closet under a stack of blankets.

Interesting.

Tony went back and sat on his bed while thumbing through the box, A red knit scarf, a small box wrapped in red paper, and couple ticket stubs from some random movies he'd apparently seen. A pair of cheap looking aviators and a bunch of other small things.

Tony wasn't too sentimental with trinkets, he didn't like to keep stuff from the past, it distracted him from the future. Though he did keep a few things, like his sad little robots, so when he did keep something they had to be really special. And a vague inklings in his gut told him that they were important but thats as far as he could go.

Tony singled out the notepad thing next, it was about the size of a small book, with the spiral spine. It had spotty stains and stiff and wavy, seemed to look like water damage. Flipping open to a random page, Tony skimmed over a few sketches, nothing special looking, buildings, trees, a few pairs of disembodies hands doing various things. Some had little notes under it and dates.

On the first few pages, some of the sketches were smeared, probably having gotten wet. Curiosity pushed him forwards, it wasn't his. Tony didn't keep doodle pads, and these didn't seem to be in his drawing style.

Some drawings were hard to see, looking angrily scratched out, erased or smeared from getting wet. Some seemed almost sad.

Three pages in Tony stopped, one page in particular catching his attention. It was a picture of one of the recent Stark phones with a couple question marks doodled next to it. Off to the side a small inscription read; "Still cant figure out these new types of telephones, no buttons or a cord. How? Ask Tony later."

OK this was defiantly not his. But he was in it. The next page had Clint and Thor on them but it mentioned him too. The words "New home." scribbled in the corner next to a picture of the tower.

The next page had more of everyone else, Thor's hammer, Barton's quiver, His helmet, Captain America's shield. Next to Thor's hammer was a helmet with long horns and the words "Gods? Don't buy it."

An eerie coldness seeped through him as he went on. The further he went into it the more he showed up, pictures of him, with little notes underneath or around them.

"Big man in a suit."

"Looks so much like Howard, weird."

"Impossible."

"Reckless."

Some entries seemed angry, some seemed sad. Each in fragments but he knew they were about him. One big picture of him stood out, Tony was sure it was of him. His hair ruffled face dirty smiling big and almost apologetically. "Says he hates me but I know he's lying."

Flipping through it more quickly now to see if the entry continued, but throughout the entire book, the little bits of torn paper attached to the spine suggested pages had been torn out.

Tony set the pad aside onto the bed and let out a long shaky breath, without even realizing that he'd been holding it that long. Who's was this? And why did he have it?

"Sir is something wrong?" JARVIS suddenly asked startling him causing him to jump a little.

"I really don't know."

"You sound unwell, shall I phone Miss Potts or Dr. Banner?"

"Um, no. I think..." Tony trailed off his voice sounding winded. He turned his attention back to the box on his other side, pulling it onto his lap, he cleared his throat. "You know what, yeah just call Pepper."

Maybe he would have that drink after all.

* * *

**Ok now that we've come full circle, or the most part now we can move ahead. Cant tell if imagining a gaping plot hole in my logic or not working on it  
**


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